The Hello Brigade

Every morning I am greeted by about 7 children under the age of 4 that live just outside my guesthouse. I originally thought of them as a choir, but upon further encounters with the children I’ve decided to call them the Hello Brigade.

Upon spotting my terribly white skin exiting or returning to the guesthouse they proceed to yell, “Hello!…hello!…hello!,” each child competing with the other to see who can scream the loudest and longest until I am no longer in sight. It’s really more of an, “ello!...ello!...ello!,” than, hello, just to give you an idea.

The shrieks are typically followed by the children running after me as I say hello and wave. No matter how many times I answer them, there is no stopping the Hello Brigade. I sometimes consider it a success when I can escape unseen!

Reasons I should not share a bathroom with someone. .
So I had a next door neighbor two nights ago, with whom I share a bathroom. This is not usually an issue because I am the only one here in my little house outside the main house. I never met my next door neighbor because he arrived after I went to bed and left after I left in the morning.

However, I was greeted this morning with three things that pissed me off, in increasing order of anger:

1. My neighbor pissed on the seat. Now, why did you have to do that? Can’t you learn to lift the seat? Is that too much to ask?
2. My neighbor left the bathroom door open all night, which means that there were hordes of mosquitoes present in the morning. Not really a problem for a man who can pee standing up, but a big problem for my butt when I have to sit to go to the bathroom and proceed to get bitten.
3. My neighbor took the remaining roll of toilet paper. Now I know you’re asking, how do you know that? Well, number one- the roll was almost entirely brand new the night before. Number two- I did not hear my neighbor going to the bathroom all night with a case of the runs. Number three- no empty roll left on the toilet paper holder. And finally, number four- no empty toilet paper roll in the trash. Yes, I checked the trash.

These are all good reasons why my tolerance for sharing a bathroom has reached an all time low. I used to have a lock on my latrine in the DR so no one could use it. I sure hope I don’t get any more unfriendly neighbors before I leave, because I might be forced to say something..or passive aggressively place a sign over the toilet that says:

• Please lift the seat
• Close bathroom door after exiting bathroom
• Take the toilet paper and die!